Parable of the Talents
Matthew 25: 14-30 For the kingdom of heaven is as a man traveling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast now strawed. And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.
His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For the novel by Octavia Butler, see Parable of the Talents (novel). The parable tells of a master who was leaving his home to travel, and before going gave his three servants different amounts of money. On returning from his travels, the master asked his servants for an account of the money given to them.
The first servant reported that he was given five talents, and he had made five talents more. The master praised the servant as being good and faithful, gave him more responsibility because of his faithfulness, and invited the servant to be joyful together with him.The second servant said that he had received two talents, and he had made two talents more. The master praised this servant in the same way as being good and faithful, giving him more responsibility and inviting the servant to be joyful together with him.The last servant who had received one talent reported that knowing his master was a hard man, he buried his talent in the ground for safekeeping, and therefore returned the original amount to his master. The master called him a wicked and lazy servant, saying that he should have placed the money in the bank to generate interest. The master commanded that the one talent be taken away from that servant, and given to the servant with ten talents, because everyone that has much will be given more, and whoever that has a little, even the little that he has will be taken away. And the master ordered the servant to be thrown outside into the darkness.
The parable is apparently the origin of the use of the word "talent" to use a skill or ability, from the common interpretation of the story to teach that we are under a moral obligation to use our abilities rather than bury them; compare the phrase in Milton's sonnet on his blindness,And that one talent which is death to hide Lodged with me useless... The parable of the talents, as depicted in a 1712 woodcut. The lazy servant searches for his buried talent, while the two other servants present their earnings to their master.The Parable of the Talents (sometimes just the Parable of Talents) is a parable of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 25:14-30). It was told to illustrate the nature of the Kingdom of Heaven, and that diligence in carrying out one's responsibilities is essential for more important tasks in the future.A similar parable, called The Parable of the Minas or The Parable of the Pounds is found in the Gospel of Luke 19:12-27, the main difference being that the master entrusted his servants with equal amounts, and that a mina was of much less value than a talent.Jesus described the Kingdom of Heaven using the perspective of Jewish society at that time.
He begins with the Parable of The Ten Virgins to illustrate, and continues with the Parable of Talents. Talents were used as a unit of currency. It is impossible to be exact about their value, and different kinds of talent were in use. However, even the lowest value for a talent puts it as worth several thousand denarii, and a denarius was the usual payment for a day's labour. So a talent was the value of many years of work by an ordinary person.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Mindfulness and Laughter
Gaining Clarity While Giggling
By: Maya Talisman Frost
Life is funny. Throughout the day, there are plenty of humorous moments that we tend to ignore. We get so caught up in being earnest that we miss opportunities to gain clarity while giggling. Sure, there are times when it is considered inappropriate to laugh, but if we're honest, we'll see that if we're suppressing a smile it's a sign that we're fully present. Not only that, but these are times when we could most use a little laughter to bring levity to an overly-serious situation. The best business meetings--and funerals--I've ever attended included plenty of bust-a-gut moments. Years ago, during a two-week silent meditation retreat, I got the giggles. Oh, I know, you're supposed to be *serious* about meditating for five hours straight, but I couldn't help it. It all started when I was roused from my peaceful posture by a certain "KLUNK!" from across the room. I opened my eyes to see that one of my retreat buddies had fallen asleep and landed with his head against the wall. Momentarily unnerved, he quickly straightened up, closed his eyes and put on his best meditator's face. I, on the other hand, completely lost it. I managed to stifle the first few giggles, but then they started escaping in little bursts. I tried the ol' coughing technique, hoping to disguise my snorts as expectoration, but I wasn't fooling anyone. Pretty soon, I saw (well, I did have my eyes open) others looking my way. Nobody else was laughing. In fact, nobody else was even smiling. Clearly, I was the only one who had allowed myself to get caught up in that unexpected moment of hilarity. I was chagrined, and then annoyed, and continued to watch my response to this incident shift over the next few minutes. Had it been funny? Of course. Were we supposed to be concentrating fully on the moment? Absolutely. Anything else would be attachment to past regrets or worries about the future. Okay, so we were focusing on watching our thoughts, and this little interruption was not part of what was going on in our heads. But isn't ignoring what's happening around us the same kind of thing that gets us into trouble back in the Real World? We go about our lives, obsessing silently, moving mindlessly, getting things done. We fail to notice the wonder and joy and beauty all around us because we are in full scowl mode about the things in our heads. Well, I'm all for taking time to laugh. Give me a giggling guru over a dour taskmaster every time. The greatest guides--in business, education, and personal success--are those who encourage us to invite hilarity into our lives whenever it happens to appear. Open your eyes to the silliness around you, and laugh out loud. It's good for your heart in every way.
About The Author
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. She teaches eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.massageyourmind.com/ maya@mindmassuse.com
Significance Of Colors In Feng Shui Practice
by: Andrew Jones
Have you ever wondered what feelings do you have when you look at bright red rose in the garden? Can you imagine if a garden that does not have colorful flowers but only the green foliage? Early in the morning when you see a newly opened flower in your garden, your heart is filled with joy and happiness. Each flower in the garden has a different color and hue that affects you differently. While the white lily touches your soul for its serenity, the red rose with its vibrant energy elicits a feeling of love and passion.
The feeling is different because the flower is reflecting a different color and Feng Shui uses this natural magic of colors to transform your life. A rose is red because it reflects red color and Feng Shui makes use of this reflected energy to create a balance between yin and yang energies that suits your personality or your environment. You may be aware of two types of energies (yin and yang) that the colors in Feng Shui represent. You can think of yin energy as like a plant growing from the earth. It comes from the soil, raising itself upward and moving toward the sky. As yin energy moves up to the sky it becomes diffused and dissipated. Yin energies have an element of dreaminess about them and the colors like blue, white, green and purple according to Feng Shui are believed to have yin energies. If your home office is full of creative and dream-inducing objects or colors, Feng Shui may ask you to get rid of them (at least some of them) and introduce in their place more vibrant colors that will help you get in the right spirit to do some work and be enthusiastic. Every association you have with a color contributes in some way to how you are. That is why colors play a meaningful role within the practice of Feng Shui. It is very essential for you to understand why toning down or playing up certain Feng Shui colors in your home will help you to achieve the goals you have set for yourself in your life. The guiding principle in using Feng Shui Colors should be to achieve balance rather than excess.
Whether you are planning the color scheme of your home, office, garden or personal appearance, the following characteristics of the colors in Feng Shui practice will give you an insight into how they can be used in Feng Shui design - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-design.php Yin Colors & Feng Shui Yin colors according to Feng Shui are the colors which bring about healing and relaxation. The relation between colors and Feng Shui can be better understood by taking the example of some colors as given below. Blue: Blue color according to Feng Shui has yin energy and it is calm and soothing. This color has great significance in Feng Shui as it reflects love as it heals and relaxes. Blue creates a feeling of peace and trust. Since it is the color of the sea and sky, Feng Shui associates it with adventure and exploration. Navy blue it the color of intellect and wisdom. Black: Black color in Feng Shui symbolizes money and income, black is great for careers, especially when combined with metal. It is the Feng Shui color of emotional protection and power. Purple: Purple, the color which lies at the end of the spectrum, has a great significance in spiritual Feng Shui.
The color is excellent for physical and mental healing and Feng Shui associates it with spiritual awareness. White: The color in Feng Shui represents poise, confidence and purity. Because of its yin energy, Feng Shui uses this color mostly in combination with gold or silver to generate an atmosphere The other yin colors of Feng Shui are pink and green which also have their individual properties that are used in Feng Shui practice. Yang colors and Feng Shui Yellow: Yellow color in Feng Shui is considered to be as auspicious as red. Yellow represents sunbeams, warmth, motion, cheerfulness and friendliness. However, according to a noted color Feng Shui consultant, prolonged exposure to large amounts of intense yellow can cause anxiety. Orange: With a lot of yang energy the orange color has great significance for spiritual Feng Shui practice as it strengthens your concentration. You might use this color when your creative well runs dry. Orange color in Feng Shui is used to give you a sense of purpose. Orange is the color of organization. The other yang colors of Feng Shui are Tan/Beige, Brown, Red, Mauve, Maroon and lavender and gold. Each color has its significance such as money, luck or romance.
hese colors can be used in different combinations with Feng Shui elements for balancing the chi of your Feng Shui home, Feng Shui bed room, or Feng Shui office. Colors & Feng Shui also have a lot to do with the direction in which your home sits. There are different colors that Feng Shui defines for the use in exterior facades of your house. Exterior colors of your house in Feng Shui practice can be used for matching or enhancing the basic house type that you have. For example if your house is facing towards the south, painting its exterior with white, grey or blue enhances the flow of chi in your home. For houses facing towards East, the colors in earth tones or metal tones are thought to be of much use for enhancing the positive energies of the house. The above article has been written with the sole aim of introducing you to the significance of relationship between colors and Feng Shui. But in actual Feng Shui practice there are many other factors which need to be given importance, it is very essential for you to understand the core of Feng Shui. Once you know what is Feng Shui, you are in better position to understand the significance of Feng Shui tips. Remember that opening your heart to universe is more important than knowing meaning of colors and Feng Shui practice, because it is from there that you allow the healing energies to flow in your heart and living environments. The book on The Spiritual Feng Shui has been specially written for Feng Shui study - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-study.php, for beginners to bring home the significance of spiritualism for Feng Shui practice.
About The Author
Andrew Jones is an expert author on Feng Shui related topics. Colors Feng Shui - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-color.php andrew@orientinfosolutions.com
Have you ever wondered what feelings do you have when you look at bright red rose in the garden? Can you imagine if a garden that does not have colorful flowers but only the green foliage? Early in the morning when you see a newly opened flower in your garden, your heart is filled with joy and happiness. Each flower in the garden has a different color and hue that affects you differently. While the white lily touches your soul for its serenity, the red rose with its vibrant energy elicits a feeling of love and passion.
The feeling is different because the flower is reflecting a different color and Feng Shui uses this natural magic of colors to transform your life. A rose is red because it reflects red color and Feng Shui makes use of this reflected energy to create a balance between yin and yang energies that suits your personality or your environment. You may be aware of two types of energies (yin and yang) that the colors in Feng Shui represent. You can think of yin energy as like a plant growing from the earth. It comes from the soil, raising itself upward and moving toward the sky. As yin energy moves up to the sky it becomes diffused and dissipated. Yin energies have an element of dreaminess about them and the colors like blue, white, green and purple according to Feng Shui are believed to have yin energies. If your home office is full of creative and dream-inducing objects or colors, Feng Shui may ask you to get rid of them (at least some of them) and introduce in their place more vibrant colors that will help you get in the right spirit to do some work and be enthusiastic. Every association you have with a color contributes in some way to how you are. That is why colors play a meaningful role within the practice of Feng Shui. It is very essential for you to understand why toning down or playing up certain Feng Shui colors in your home will help you to achieve the goals you have set for yourself in your life. The guiding principle in using Feng Shui Colors should be to achieve balance rather than excess.
Whether you are planning the color scheme of your home, office, garden or personal appearance, the following characteristics of the colors in Feng Shui practice will give you an insight into how they can be used in Feng Shui design - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-design.php Yin Colors & Feng Shui Yin colors according to Feng Shui are the colors which bring about healing and relaxation. The relation between colors and Feng Shui can be better understood by taking the example of some colors as given below. Blue: Blue color according to Feng Shui has yin energy and it is calm and soothing. This color has great significance in Feng Shui as it reflects love as it heals and relaxes. Blue creates a feeling of peace and trust. Since it is the color of the sea and sky, Feng Shui associates it with adventure and exploration. Navy blue it the color of intellect and wisdom. Black: Black color in Feng Shui symbolizes money and income, black is great for careers, especially when combined with metal. It is the Feng Shui color of emotional protection and power. Purple: Purple, the color which lies at the end of the spectrum, has a great significance in spiritual Feng Shui.
The color is excellent for physical and mental healing and Feng Shui associates it with spiritual awareness. White: The color in Feng Shui represents poise, confidence and purity. Because of its yin energy, Feng Shui uses this color mostly in combination with gold or silver to generate an atmosphere The other yin colors of Feng Shui are pink and green which also have their individual properties that are used in Feng Shui practice. Yang colors and Feng Shui Yellow: Yellow color in Feng Shui is considered to be as auspicious as red. Yellow represents sunbeams, warmth, motion, cheerfulness and friendliness. However, according to a noted color Feng Shui consultant, prolonged exposure to large amounts of intense yellow can cause anxiety. Orange: With a lot of yang energy the orange color has great significance for spiritual Feng Shui practice as it strengthens your concentration. You might use this color when your creative well runs dry. Orange color in Feng Shui is used to give you a sense of purpose. Orange is the color of organization. The other yang colors of Feng Shui are Tan/Beige, Brown, Red, Mauve, Maroon and lavender and gold. Each color has its significance such as money, luck or romance.
hese colors can be used in different combinations with Feng Shui elements for balancing the chi of your Feng Shui home, Feng Shui bed room, or Feng Shui office. Colors & Feng Shui also have a lot to do with the direction in which your home sits. There are different colors that Feng Shui defines for the use in exterior facades of your house. Exterior colors of your house in Feng Shui practice can be used for matching or enhancing the basic house type that you have. For example if your house is facing towards the south, painting its exterior with white, grey or blue enhances the flow of chi in your home. For houses facing towards East, the colors in earth tones or metal tones are thought to be of much use for enhancing the positive energies of the house. The above article has been written with the sole aim of introducing you to the significance of relationship between colors and Feng Shui. But in actual Feng Shui practice there are many other factors which need to be given importance, it is very essential for you to understand the core of Feng Shui. Once you know what is Feng Shui, you are in better position to understand the significance of Feng Shui tips. Remember that opening your heart to universe is more important than knowing meaning of colors and Feng Shui practice, because it is from there that you allow the healing energies to flow in your heart and living environments. The book on The Spiritual Feng Shui has been specially written for Feng Shui study - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-study.php, for beginners to bring home the significance of spiritualism for Feng Shui practice.
About The Author
Andrew Jones is an expert author on Feng Shui related topics. Colors Feng Shui - http://www.thespiritualfengshui.com/feng-shui-color.php andrew@orientinfosolutions.com
Saturday, March 10, 2007
The Secret of Life
By: Dave Cole
The question Isn't, "Is there life after death." Rather, the question Is: "Are you alive before death." Some folks say that Jesus is the secret of life, others say that Buddha is, others say that Mohammed is. For just about every religious sect, they have as the basis of their religion a central figure which they claim is the secret of life. And, as a side note, if these religions didn't believe that the main character behind the religion weren't the secret, then why would anyone even bother believing in them anyway? Science has claimed the secret of life to be DNA. In her song of the same title, Faith Hill sang: The secret of life is a good cup of coffee The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball The secret of life is a beautiful woman Tom T. Hall wrote: It's faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money.
But if there really is a true secret of life, then shouldn't it stand to reason that this secret would be a constant. Something that remains the same despite religious viewpoints, despite centuries, and despite races of people. A secret of life would be something that would be applicable to all folks, in all times and ages and something that would be of benefit to any and all, irregardless of their religion or creed or race or region of the world, or era of history. A good case could be made for love being the secret of life. And if love was pure and unadulterated, then perhaps we would explore this deeper. However love can be spent in many less than virtuous avenues. There are those who have a deep, passionate love for things like drugs, pornography, money, the ways of the devil, and so on. Is there a one single, true in all cases....secret of life? If so, shouldn't this one thing be equal and beneficial to the same degree for all. Don't we all believe that the secret of life should be some special knowledge that would set us all free, solve all our problems and make us happy, contented and loved by everyone?
Down through the ages, the advice of the sages and prophets has been, "know thyself". I've got some good news for you. The secret of life, that one elixir which has baffled sages and seekers since time began, that one thing which has been sought after for centuries on end, the one thing that will provide all the answers.....is: You You are the secret of life. You, the entire you, the fabulous you, You, the single entity that is alive. You alone hold the key, you alone have the answer. You alone already have and hold the secret of life. It is hidden in the I Am. It is hidden in all that you are. It is hidden in your identity. It is called life. The entire one single thing, the secret of life, is that you are life. You are alive. You have the answer within you to whatever it is you are seeking. No one else does. Only you. You.
The great I am is you. There was once an argument among the gods over where to hide the secret of life so that men and women would not find it. One god said: Bury it under a mountain; they will never look there. No, the others said, one day they will find ways to dig up mountains and will uncover it. Another said: Sink it in the depths of the ocean; it will be safe there. No the others objected, humans will one day find a way to plumb the ocean's depths and find it easily. Finally another god said: Put it inside them; men and women will never think of looking for it there for a long time, by the time they are intelligent enough to discover the secret, perhaps they will also be wise enough to use it properly. If there ever was a secret of life, it's that you Are. It's that you should believe in you as being all that is life. You already knew this....search and look deep inside yourself, you will know this is truth.
Life is you. Life without you, wouldn't be life. It's the exact same for every creature on this earth. It never changes, indeed, it cannot. It's the same for all races and for all ages. The secret of life is never to be found external to oneself, if you're looking outside yourself, you're looking in all the wrong places. It is always to be found as oneself. And that's great news. You have your entire life ahead of you. The past is over, it's history, it cannot ever be replayed or re-done again. You have your future. You have the very now, the very present to live and to be you and to enjoy being the secret of life in.
About the author:Dave Cole Prosperity: The Choice Is Yours Copyright © 2005 Dave's E-zine provides you with inspiration, motivation, and postive life values to assist you in having more Prosperity, Peace & Understanding in your life. Get your F R E E subscription today. http://choosetoprosper.com/
Rain Secret To Change Your Mind
By: Hirini Reedy Copyright 2005
Hirini ReedyHeard of a raindance? It is a ritual used by native shamen to influence the heavens. It is a bit like bending spoons, you have to believe in something that goes against your normal perceptions of reality. Bit like a sceptic or a mystic, both will see what they believe. In the polarity of life, both sceptic and mystic are needed for balance. A bit like good and bad weather. Each one is relative to the other.
Too much sun causes a desert. Too much rain causes a flood.So what, you ask?The same principles of the raindance can apply to being happy or unhappy. Do a rain-dance to change your moods. Look for the little teardrops to soften a hardened heart? Find the tiny sunbeam when you only see dark clouds of despair. Find the dance within you. Believe in the magic inside you. Feel it happening. Then see it happen. Some people are conditioned to seeing the worst in life. They will turn good fortune into potential misfortune within a couple of words. Do you know such people? I once knew a successful woman who managed to darken a bright day quite quickly. You might know someone like this."How are things going today?", I asked her over a cuppa. She proceeded to fill the whole conversation with a series of moans.Staff problems, cannot find good staff ... big moan.
My husband has serious control problem ... big moan.Her car needed a tune-up ... big moan. I start laughing. Her face reddens. "What is so $%*&^ funny?"I said, "You are one miserable $%^^&^@. Your problems are someone's dreams right now. Get a grip. You have a business. You have a husband. You have a car. A Tsunami victim right now probably has no home or is still missing. Right now someone is on life support in your local hospital. Their family is crying and holding hands outside in the waiting room. So stop your &^%$^^^%^ moaning and start being grateful".She stared at me. My words sinking in. Icy silence. Then she started to laugh. A small laugh at first. Soon we were both laughing.
ometimes we all need some honest feedback that cuts straight through to the core.Life is never going to be perfect. Life is what we make of it right NOW. We've have all been miserable, and we've all been happy. Guess what? We will continue to experience misery and happiness. We need to keep it in perspective like the weather. It does not mean we need to be happy 24/7/365 days a year. It would be too much of a strain. Aim to be happy most of the time. Yet allow time for unhappiness. Allow time for feeling pain, grief, sadness and loneliness. These are all part of the wheel of life. Just make sure to keep the wheel turning rather than getting stuck in the same ole muddy patch. So do a rain-dance. Do something to change your state of mind. Jump up and down. Make it rain tears of laughter.
About the author:Hirini Reedy is a native Maori author, civil engineer, retired military officer, martial arts black belt, NLP master practitioner and internet entrepreneur. He creates accelerated mind-body fitness solutions for modern life. Check http://www.instantfitnessplans.com/
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Build Your People Skills
By: Garrett Coan
How would you like to get along even better with others in your personal relationships and in the workplace? Getting along well with people sounds kind of general and is difficult to do much about, so let’s break it down into some manageable and specific skills. By building the following skills, you will get along well with others: 1. Build others’ self-esteem. 2. Show empathy for others. 3. Encourage people to cooperate with each other. 4. Communicate assertively. 5. Ask productive questions and demonstrate listening skills. 6. Respond productively to emotional statements. People skills (which are also known as emotional intelligence) can be thought of as six specific skills. Let’s take a brief look at each one.
1. Build others’ self-esteem. When you are in a situation where you are made to feel good about yourself, you feel good. You can do the same with others by doing the following kinds of things: a. Make eye contact with others. b. Call others by their names. c. Ask others their opinions. d. Compliment others’ work. e. Tell people how much you appreciate them. f. Write notes of thanks when someone does something worthwhile. g. Make people feel welcome when they come to your home or workplace. h. Pay attention to what is going on in people’s lives. Acknowledge milestones and express concern about difficult life situations such as illness, deaths, and accidents. i. Introduce your family members to acquaintances when you meet them in public. j. Encourage your loved ones to explore their talents and interests. k. Share people’s excitement when they accomplish something. l. Honor people’s needs and wants. m. Take responsibility for your choices and actions, and expect others to do the same. n. Take responsibility for the quality of your communications. 2. Show empathy for others. Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person’s shoes and understand how they view their reality and how they feel about things. Being aware of our emotions and how they affect our actions is a fundamental ability in today’s people-intense workplaces. People who are cut off from their emotions are unable to connect with people. It’s like they are emotionally tone-deaf.
No one wants to work with such people because they have no idea how they affect others. You have probably met a few people who fit this description. 3. Encourage people to cooperate with each other. Whether you are managing a family or a work group, there are some specific things you can do to create an environment where others work together well: a. Don’t play favorites. Treat everyone the same. Otherwise, some people will not trust you. b. Don’t talk about people behind their backs. c. Ask for others’ ideas. Participation increases commitment. d. Follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request. e. Check for understanding when you make a statement or announcement. Don’t assume everyone is with you. f. Make sure people have clear instructions for tasks to be completed. Ask people to describe what they plan to do. g. Reinforce cooperative behavior.
Don’t take it for granted. 4. Communicate assertively. Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. People are not born assertive; their behavior is a combination of learned skills. Assertive behavior enables you to: a. Act in your own best interests. b. Stand up for yourself without becoming anxious. c. Express your honest feelings. d. Assert your personal rights without denying the rights of others. Assertive behavior is different from passive or aggressive behavior in that it is: a. Self-expressive b. Honest c. Direct d. Self-enhancing e. Constructive, not destructive Assertive behavior includes both what you say and how you say it. 5. Ask productive questions and demonstrate listening skills. Listening skills help you show that you are hearing and understanding another person and are interested in what he or she has to say. 6. Respond productively to emotional statements. A communication skill called active listening is especially useful in emotional situations because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what the other person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. It’s a check of whether your understanding is correct. This demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned.
Active listening responses have two components: a. Naming the feeling that the other person is conveying b. Stating the reason for the feeling Here are some examples of active listening statements: "Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work." "You’re annoyed by my lateness, aren’t you?" "You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem." "It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe’s paperwork." "Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy." "I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now." Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of view. The ability to get along well with people in your personal relationships and in the workplace is a set of learned skills. No one is born knowing how to build others’ self-esteem, show empathy, encourage cooperation, communicate assertively, ask productive questions, or respond productively to emotional statements. These skills can be learned and developed with some practice. By taking the time to develop these skills, you will be able to build better relationships at home and at work.
About the author:Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach, and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com/or 201-303-4303.
Please click here for more articles about interpersonal communication.
Please click here for more articles about interpersonal communication.
The Seven Keys to Motivation
By: Nancy Wurtzel Motivation.
It’s a complicated subject that is studied by many and understood by few. Virtually every aspect of human life -- from the mundane to the life-changing -- is guided, swayed and altered by motivating factors. For instance, what to have for dinner may be motivated by a desire to lose or gain weight. Whether or not to attend a business seminar may be motivated by the speakers, location and cost. When and where to buy new clothing may be motivated by a long list of personal preferences as well as the changing seasons and weather conditions. Even reading this article is a motivated behavior.
Do you like the style of writing? Are you curious about the subject matter? Do you have a desire to learn new information? Do you have enough time to finish reading? If the answers are no, you probably won’t continue reading! But since you have continued, you are obviously motivated. You want to learn more about how to get and stay motivated, and how this motivation can help you become a better business owner. THE BUSINESS OF MOTIVATION Motivation is one of the most powerful driving forces in the workplace. It can mean the difference between tremendous success and failure. Motivation stems from two sources. The first part of motivation is external or extrinsic (outside the person) sources. Other motivating factors come from internal forces, which are mainly your thoughts, patterns and collective experiences. However, humans are unique, so what motivates Jack will not necessarily motivate Jill. You -- and only you -- will be able to determine what works. Take the time to examine what internal and external factors are motivating you as a business owner. What can you do to enhance and refine your motivation to make yourself more productive and more fulfilled? Here are seven keys to motivation that may prove helpful.
1. INSPIRATION Inspiration is critical to getting and staying motivated. If you are not interested in your business, your motivation level will never be high and you won’t be able to sustain interest for very long. On the flip side, if you are energized and excited about the work you are doing, you will have more persistence, energy and intensity. Take an honest look at your inspiration level. Are you excited about going to work or is it an obligation? You would be surprised at the number of people who choose a business that looks good on paper, but in reality does not interest them in the least. These individuals will grow weary and uninterested pretty quickly because they have no inspiration or passion to sustain them during the difficult times they will encounter as a small business owner. If you don’t really enjoy your work, then think how you can re-focus your small business to better match your needs. Or consider making a change entirely. That’s pretty drastic advice, but inspiration is that important.
2. SETTING GOALS Short and long-term goal setting is vital for any business owner. If you didn’t set goals, you would be adrift with nothing to strive for and no charted course to follow. How could you possibly be motivated if you were unsure about the direction of your company? Take the time to put your goals in writing. A business plan may sound daunting, but it is really nothing more than goals, strategies, implementation and a budget. Write your own business plan and update it at least annually. Include “mini-goals” that can be accomplished in a matter of hours, days or weeks as well as the more ambitious “grand-goals” that may take years to complete. Refer to this plan throughout the year. But can a business plan really help motivate you? Yes! Written goals will make you feel more professional and certainly more connected to your business. It will also free you from having to reinvent your business goals every single day.
3. NETWORKING Another key factor in getting and staying motivated is networking with other small business owners. One person can't move huge mountains. However, when a number of people begin working together the mountains are suddenly only small hills -- simply challenges waiting to be surmounted. In fact, the isolation of working alone is of one the most difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. Mutual support is motivating. So, make it easier on yourself by connecting with others either in your community or online. Even when businesses are not related, you will often find common ground and ways to work together. Many successful entrepreneurs report that finding the right networking group was a turning point in the growth of the business. Working together, a networking group can help its members generate more qualified sales leads and solve problems faster and more efficiently. Sharing ideas, expertise and experience is also an invaluable aspect of networking groups. And, don’t forget about sharing costs, possibly by buying in bulk or with joint marketing projects. Your own personal team of business owners will help re-energize you when the burdens of running your own business seem too much. With your networking team to rely on, you can accomplish more in less time and probably have more fun in the process. Certainly, you will feel less alone.
4. REWARD YOURSELF Small business owners will always have to work hard, but all work and no play is a huge mistake. Your motivation will soon begin to fall if you never take any time away from the demands of running the business. So, plan frequent rewards for yourself. No, it doesn’t need to be a trip to Hawaii (although this is a great idea). Your reward can be as simple as a lunch out with an old friend, a matinee with your significant other, an afternoon of shopping or a relaxing massage. If your budget and time will allow, take a few days off for a short trip or simply schedule a vacation from work for a few days. Make it a real vacation -- even if you don’t leave town -- so no checking email, voice mail or the fax machine. You need to get away, unwind and renew yourself. This “down” time to regenerate will help improve your attitude and perspective. It sounds corny, but you will come back to your business with a new sense of motivation.
5. EXERCISE While it isn’t always immediately apparent, there is a powerful connection between the mind and the body. It is vital for every small business owner to take breaks and exercise -- everyday. If your body isn’t healthy, your motivation will certainly suffer. These exercise breaks don’t have to be huge blocks of time, and you needn’t spend money joining a gym or hiring a personal trainer. Start by walking briskly for 30 minutes before, during or after work. After you have incorporated a walk each day, then try doubling the time or doing two walks each day. Whatever works for you is best, but the important thing is to start. You will begin to feel better. After the walking is part of your routine, add some basic light weights. Buy a tape or go online to find out how to properly use the weights so you won’t injure yourself. You can keep the weights under your desk, and use them for just a few minutes at a time. Buy a timer the next time you are at the grocery store. Set the timer for for three minutes to start and then add a minute or two until you’re up to 10 or 15 minutes each day. Some small business owners have a television at work and they schedule a CNN break along with their weights. This way, they are catching up with world and local news while simultaneously getting some moderate exercise.
8. ORGANIZE Organization is critical to motivation. How can you feel good about your work, when you can’t find important papers or you are constantly late returning messages? Your business will falter and your motivation will suffer. Some people just can’t get organized. If you are one of them, then consider bringing in someone -- a business friend, family member or professional -- to help you get the clutter and mess cleaned up. You will be amazed at how this one important step will help you get back on the organizational track. Don’t stop there. Now really get organized by creating business systems that will help you streamline your operations. The real challenge will be keeping yourself on track by maintaining these systems. For many, it is a daily challenge, but if you use your organizational systems you’ll be free to think about other important issues.
7. MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS AND AUTHORS As small business owners, it seems we are bombarded with motivational ideas and materials-- tapes, books, CD’s, seminars, workbooks, videos and more. Why are there so many different motivational products, authors and speakers? Because people are buying these materials. Used effectively, they are effective and therefore they sell! However, there are so many different motivational gurus that it is often difficult to see through the clutter to find someone that makes sense for you -- someone who can get you “fired up” about working and improving your business.
Try talking to your mentor or networking group members to see who they might recommend. Start being aware of the motivational industry and how it might help you become more enthused and positive about your business. Do some light research of your own to find some authors and speakers that interest you. Before you invest in motivational materials, you can probably find some inexpensive ways to obtain the materials. Check out your local library, tune into your local PBS station, buy materials with a networking friend, visit used bookstores or buy used materials online. Don’t make a huge investment, because you will probably want to sample many different viewpoints. But do these materials really work? Yes, but only if you make the effort. Just like exercise, you have to work the muscles -- in this case your mind muscles. It is up to you to take that information and apply it to your own life and business. Really use the motivational ideas over a period of time and you will begin to see results. KEEP THE MOMENTUM GOING Motivation is what moves us forward in our daily and business lives. Take the time to examine your motivating factors and use some of these keys to improve your focus and renew your enthusiasm. If you keep on track, the motivation momentum can’t help but carry you forward.
About the author:Nancy Wurtzel is the founder and of All About Baby, an ecommerce company that offers personalized and memorable gifts for children. In addition to a wide product selection, All About Baby also featured helpful and interesting site content. In addition to running her own business, Nancy consults with other small business owners providing advice about growing their ecommerce sites.
Please click here for more articles about motivation.
It’s a complicated subject that is studied by many and understood by few. Virtually every aspect of human life -- from the mundane to the life-changing -- is guided, swayed and altered by motivating factors. For instance, what to have for dinner may be motivated by a desire to lose or gain weight. Whether or not to attend a business seminar may be motivated by the speakers, location and cost. When and where to buy new clothing may be motivated by a long list of personal preferences as well as the changing seasons and weather conditions. Even reading this article is a motivated behavior.
Do you like the style of writing? Are you curious about the subject matter? Do you have a desire to learn new information? Do you have enough time to finish reading? If the answers are no, you probably won’t continue reading! But since you have continued, you are obviously motivated. You want to learn more about how to get and stay motivated, and how this motivation can help you become a better business owner. THE BUSINESS OF MOTIVATION Motivation is one of the most powerful driving forces in the workplace. It can mean the difference between tremendous success and failure. Motivation stems from two sources. The first part of motivation is external or extrinsic (outside the person) sources. Other motivating factors come from internal forces, which are mainly your thoughts, patterns and collective experiences. However, humans are unique, so what motivates Jack will not necessarily motivate Jill. You -- and only you -- will be able to determine what works. Take the time to examine what internal and external factors are motivating you as a business owner. What can you do to enhance and refine your motivation to make yourself more productive and more fulfilled? Here are seven keys to motivation that may prove helpful.
1. INSPIRATION Inspiration is critical to getting and staying motivated. If you are not interested in your business, your motivation level will never be high and you won’t be able to sustain interest for very long. On the flip side, if you are energized and excited about the work you are doing, you will have more persistence, energy and intensity. Take an honest look at your inspiration level. Are you excited about going to work or is it an obligation? You would be surprised at the number of people who choose a business that looks good on paper, but in reality does not interest them in the least. These individuals will grow weary and uninterested pretty quickly because they have no inspiration or passion to sustain them during the difficult times they will encounter as a small business owner. If you don’t really enjoy your work, then think how you can re-focus your small business to better match your needs. Or consider making a change entirely. That’s pretty drastic advice, but inspiration is that important.
2. SETTING GOALS Short and long-term goal setting is vital for any business owner. If you didn’t set goals, you would be adrift with nothing to strive for and no charted course to follow. How could you possibly be motivated if you were unsure about the direction of your company? Take the time to put your goals in writing. A business plan may sound daunting, but it is really nothing more than goals, strategies, implementation and a budget. Write your own business plan and update it at least annually. Include “mini-goals” that can be accomplished in a matter of hours, days or weeks as well as the more ambitious “grand-goals” that may take years to complete. Refer to this plan throughout the year. But can a business plan really help motivate you? Yes! Written goals will make you feel more professional and certainly more connected to your business. It will also free you from having to reinvent your business goals every single day.
3. NETWORKING Another key factor in getting and staying motivated is networking with other small business owners. One person can't move huge mountains. However, when a number of people begin working together the mountains are suddenly only small hills -- simply challenges waiting to be surmounted. In fact, the isolation of working alone is of one the most difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. Mutual support is motivating. So, make it easier on yourself by connecting with others either in your community or online. Even when businesses are not related, you will often find common ground and ways to work together. Many successful entrepreneurs report that finding the right networking group was a turning point in the growth of the business. Working together, a networking group can help its members generate more qualified sales leads and solve problems faster and more efficiently. Sharing ideas, expertise and experience is also an invaluable aspect of networking groups. And, don’t forget about sharing costs, possibly by buying in bulk or with joint marketing projects. Your own personal team of business owners will help re-energize you when the burdens of running your own business seem too much. With your networking team to rely on, you can accomplish more in less time and probably have more fun in the process. Certainly, you will feel less alone.
4. REWARD YOURSELF Small business owners will always have to work hard, but all work and no play is a huge mistake. Your motivation will soon begin to fall if you never take any time away from the demands of running the business. So, plan frequent rewards for yourself. No, it doesn’t need to be a trip to Hawaii (although this is a great idea). Your reward can be as simple as a lunch out with an old friend, a matinee with your significant other, an afternoon of shopping or a relaxing massage. If your budget and time will allow, take a few days off for a short trip or simply schedule a vacation from work for a few days. Make it a real vacation -- even if you don’t leave town -- so no checking email, voice mail or the fax machine. You need to get away, unwind and renew yourself. This “down” time to regenerate will help improve your attitude and perspective. It sounds corny, but you will come back to your business with a new sense of motivation.
5. EXERCISE While it isn’t always immediately apparent, there is a powerful connection between the mind and the body. It is vital for every small business owner to take breaks and exercise -- everyday. If your body isn’t healthy, your motivation will certainly suffer. These exercise breaks don’t have to be huge blocks of time, and you needn’t spend money joining a gym or hiring a personal trainer. Start by walking briskly for 30 minutes before, during or after work. After you have incorporated a walk each day, then try doubling the time or doing two walks each day. Whatever works for you is best, but the important thing is to start. You will begin to feel better. After the walking is part of your routine, add some basic light weights. Buy a tape or go online to find out how to properly use the weights so you won’t injure yourself. You can keep the weights under your desk, and use them for just a few minutes at a time. Buy a timer the next time you are at the grocery store. Set the timer for for three minutes to start and then add a minute or two until you’re up to 10 or 15 minutes each day. Some small business owners have a television at work and they schedule a CNN break along with their weights. This way, they are catching up with world and local news while simultaneously getting some moderate exercise.
8. ORGANIZE Organization is critical to motivation. How can you feel good about your work, when you can’t find important papers or you are constantly late returning messages? Your business will falter and your motivation will suffer. Some people just can’t get organized. If you are one of them, then consider bringing in someone -- a business friend, family member or professional -- to help you get the clutter and mess cleaned up. You will be amazed at how this one important step will help you get back on the organizational track. Don’t stop there. Now really get organized by creating business systems that will help you streamline your operations. The real challenge will be keeping yourself on track by maintaining these systems. For many, it is a daily challenge, but if you use your organizational systems you’ll be free to think about other important issues.
7. MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS AND AUTHORS As small business owners, it seems we are bombarded with motivational ideas and materials-- tapes, books, CD’s, seminars, workbooks, videos and more. Why are there so many different motivational products, authors and speakers? Because people are buying these materials. Used effectively, they are effective and therefore they sell! However, there are so many different motivational gurus that it is often difficult to see through the clutter to find someone that makes sense for you -- someone who can get you “fired up” about working and improving your business.
Try talking to your mentor or networking group members to see who they might recommend. Start being aware of the motivational industry and how it might help you become more enthused and positive about your business. Do some light research of your own to find some authors and speakers that interest you. Before you invest in motivational materials, you can probably find some inexpensive ways to obtain the materials. Check out your local library, tune into your local PBS station, buy materials with a networking friend, visit used bookstores or buy used materials online. Don’t make a huge investment, because you will probably want to sample many different viewpoints. But do these materials really work? Yes, but only if you make the effort. Just like exercise, you have to work the muscles -- in this case your mind muscles. It is up to you to take that information and apply it to your own life and business. Really use the motivational ideas over a period of time and you will begin to see results. KEEP THE MOMENTUM GOING Motivation is what moves us forward in our daily and business lives. Take the time to examine your motivating factors and use some of these keys to improve your focus and renew your enthusiasm. If you keep on track, the motivation momentum can’t help but carry you forward.
About the author:Nancy Wurtzel is the founder and of All About Baby, an ecommerce company that offers personalized and memorable gifts for children. In addition to a wide product selection, All About Baby also featured helpful and interesting site content. In addition to running her own business, Nancy consults with other small business owners providing advice about growing their ecommerce sites.
Please click here for more articles about motivation.
5 Steps to Responding Rather Than Reacting to Anger
By: Dr. Tony Fiore
Think of your brain as a juke box where most of your records – your reactions to different situations – were recorded well before your reached adolescence. Then, as life goes on and every time someone pushes your button, you automatically play the record that fits each situation. Take for instance, being bitten by a big, black dog at age 3. As a normal child your brain would make a record called “become afraid when you see a big, black dog.” Forward to age 28. you have forgotten the dog incident at age 3. You are walking down the street and pass a dog that is big – and you guessed it – black. You automatically feel anxiety and apprehension and you want to avoid it, even though it is behind a gate and cannot harm you now. You find yourself thinking things like, “Big black dogs are dangerous,” and “It’s better to walk on the other side of the street.” And so it is with many anger reactions. We find people and situations that literally “push our buttons,” and we respond just like that juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing it.
Of course, there are times when we SHOULD play the usual record. For instance, many social ills in our society are solved by people becoming righteously indignant (a form of anger) and taking action to correct an evil or a wrong. Other times, anger gets people’s attention and they start taking us more seriously. But, 95% of the time, the negative far outweighs the positive when we lose control of our anger feelings. The costs are usually high and the benefits low. Most of the time, anger simply doesn’t get us what we desire or need in the first place and only makes things worse in terms of consequences to us, our “victims,” and to the people (like children or employees) who may witness it.
Rather than reacting to anger triggers, here are five steps you can learn to choose how to deal with the situation – to respond rather than react.
1. Awareness: Become more aware of patterns of behavior you exhibit to life triggers. The first step in changing behavior is to become aware of it and recognize it as it is occurring. For instance, “Whenever she talks to her mother on the phone, I want to grab the receiver and slam it down.”
2. Consequences: Learn to think of consequences before you act impulsively. Ask yourself: “If I do that it will only make matters worse; she will think I don’t like her mother; it will stop us from being close tonight; Is it worth it to get angry?”
3. Listen: Listen to the conversation that you are having with yourself and have a different one! As human beings, we have the ability to monitor our own thinking patterns – to think about what we are thinking about: “Why am I thinking she shouldn’t talk to her mother? Why am I trying to control her? What right do I have to demand she give me attention instead of being on the phone? Am I the center of the universe?”
4. Interrupt your normal pattern of behavior and replace it with conscious behavior that moves you closer to your real goals: “What are my options in dealing with this besides getting angry?” * Go over and kiss her on the neck * Whisper, “I could use some attention.” * Tell her how it makes you feel when she spends so much time on the phone instead of with you. Pick your battles and learn to accept irritating behavior without getting upset.
5. Observe: Watch how differently people respond to you after you start doing things differently. For instance, your husband complains about his boss. If your usual response is to say something like “I’m tired of hearing you complain about her – would you like to hear about a day that was really horrible?” try support and understanding: “I’m so sorry you had such a tough day; would you like to tell me about it?” See if he doesn’t respond to you differently than normal. It is much better to try to change other people’s response to you by changing you first – rather than just demanding that they change to satisfy your needs. 2005 ©
Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. About the author:Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com
Think of your brain as a juke box where most of your records – your reactions to different situations – were recorded well before your reached adolescence. Then, as life goes on and every time someone pushes your button, you automatically play the record that fits each situation. Take for instance, being bitten by a big, black dog at age 3. As a normal child your brain would make a record called “become afraid when you see a big, black dog.” Forward to age 28. you have forgotten the dog incident at age 3. You are walking down the street and pass a dog that is big – and you guessed it – black. You automatically feel anxiety and apprehension and you want to avoid it, even though it is behind a gate and cannot harm you now. You find yourself thinking things like, “Big black dogs are dangerous,” and “It’s better to walk on the other side of the street.” And so it is with many anger reactions. We find people and situations that literally “push our buttons,” and we respond just like that juke box that automatically pulls down a record and starts playing it.
Of course, there are times when we SHOULD play the usual record. For instance, many social ills in our society are solved by people becoming righteously indignant (a form of anger) and taking action to correct an evil or a wrong. Other times, anger gets people’s attention and they start taking us more seriously. But, 95% of the time, the negative far outweighs the positive when we lose control of our anger feelings. The costs are usually high and the benefits low. Most of the time, anger simply doesn’t get us what we desire or need in the first place and only makes things worse in terms of consequences to us, our “victims,” and to the people (like children or employees) who may witness it.
Rather than reacting to anger triggers, here are five steps you can learn to choose how to deal with the situation – to respond rather than react.
1. Awareness: Become more aware of patterns of behavior you exhibit to life triggers. The first step in changing behavior is to become aware of it and recognize it as it is occurring. For instance, “Whenever she talks to her mother on the phone, I want to grab the receiver and slam it down.”
2. Consequences: Learn to think of consequences before you act impulsively. Ask yourself: “If I do that it will only make matters worse; she will think I don’t like her mother; it will stop us from being close tonight; Is it worth it to get angry?”
3. Listen: Listen to the conversation that you are having with yourself and have a different one! As human beings, we have the ability to monitor our own thinking patterns – to think about what we are thinking about: “Why am I thinking she shouldn’t talk to her mother? Why am I trying to control her? What right do I have to demand she give me attention instead of being on the phone? Am I the center of the universe?”
4. Interrupt your normal pattern of behavior and replace it with conscious behavior that moves you closer to your real goals: “What are my options in dealing with this besides getting angry?” * Go over and kiss her on the neck * Whisper, “I could use some attention.” * Tell her how it makes you feel when she spends so much time on the phone instead of with you. Pick your battles and learn to accept irritating behavior without getting upset.
5. Observe: Watch how differently people respond to you after you start doing things differently. For instance, your husband complains about his boss. If your usual response is to say something like “I’m tired of hearing you complain about her – would you like to hear about a day that was really horrible?” try support and understanding: “I’m so sorry you had such a tough day; would you like to tell me about it?” See if he doesn’t respond to you differently than normal. It is much better to try to change other people’s response to you by changing you first – rather than just demanding that they change to satisfy your needs. 2005 ©
Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. About the author:Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
The journey into darkness has been long and cruel
Marianne Williamson (born 8 July 1952 in Houston, Texas, U.S.) is a spiritual activist, author, lecturer and founder of the The Peace Alliance, a grass roots campaign supporting legislation currently before Congress to establish a United States Department of Peace.
She has been characterized as "an ex-cabaret-singing Jew from Texas", and is sometimes associated with an urban myth concerning Nelson Mandela's 1994 inauguration speech as president of South Africa. Williamson served as head pastor of Renaissance Unity Interfaith Spiritual Fellowship before she resigned as a result of a controversial attempt to dissolve the church's formal ties to the Association of Unity Churches.The press has referred to her as a modern-day shaman a Mother Teresa for the ‘90s and Hollywood’s answer to God, and failed to credit her for working with dying AIDS and cancer patients and the homeless on L.A.'s streets. Williamson founded the Centers for Living, an organization dedicated to providing home-delivered care for people with life-threatening diseases, and has participated in fund raising activities for charitable causes.
Her debut work A Return to Love begins ""The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it. What happened to my generation is that we never grew up. The problem isn't that we're lost or apathetic, narcissistic or materialistic. The problem is we're terrified." As of 2006 HarperCollins had published eighteen of her works. Williamson's monthly lectures are not strictly Christian, and that has been the central core of her appeal. She addresses both established Christianity and Judaism in statements such as "You've committed no sins, just mistakes." She teaches love and common sense, but she does so in the irreverent language of the Seventies. Her earliest renown was for her talks on A Course in Miracles, a step-by-step method for choosing love over fear.
Life Is A Test
by: John Perry
I rarely ever remember a dream. Even when I can remember what I was dreaming about when I have to get up for a drink or bathroom break in the middle of the night, I have forgotten all about it by morning. However, last night I had a dream that made me analyze my life and my thought processes on a day to day basis. I was dreaming about taking a test. I am not sure the subject of the test. I do remember feeling under pressure and I was struggling a bit with the content of the test. Now, I have taken my share of tests in the past and can recall having these types of dreams while in college; but, why now? I jotted down a few notes before going back to bed and did my best to decipher this brain spark this morning. I am into several projects right now in which I am under the microscope, so to speak.
But, am I? Is this all in my head? Do I bring all this pressure on myself? Probably. I try to be the best I can be; mentally, physically, and financially. I try to learn as much as possible to improve my abilities in these areas. This is great as long as I don't spend so much time trying to improve me that it harms my life in these same areas; i.e. stress, family, friends, health, etc. We all see the "burn-out" in the self-improvement entrepreneur; the sacrifices made in the "important things" in life such as relationships and peace of mind. Peace of mind should be a top priority for mental, physical, and financial success. Living life as some sort of constant test will hamper this process. Realizing that progress is a "you vs. you" phenomenon and that you don't have to please someone else on a day to day basis is a great start.
Bryan Tracy, in his audio series from Nightingale Conant entitled "Action Secrets for Personal Achievement," talks about the need for certain people to get the approval of others. He calls this a symptom of Type "A" behavior. Here are some of the other type "A" symptoms: Having a sense of urgency to do more and more in less and less time. Volunteering for more and more work at the office. Feeling under pressure to get activities accomplished. Being obsessed with your performance and having high standards for such performance. The type "A" personality can't relax and enjoy an accomplishment, they feel like they have never done enough. Compare self with others. More concerned with things than with people. Brings home work. Talks about the boss, what the boss said, what the boss did… wants to please the boss at all times. Has a sense of hostility towards those he or she feels to be competing against. Type "A's" cannot admit that they are not in control. If you fall into any of the above categories, making a decision to change may be a great first step. This decision involves trying to relax and still be productive and effective without the added stress we type "A's" like to impart.
There are two things that have worked in the past for me (and my clients) that I am going to focus on after this "wake–up call." One is a daily exercise plan. Even when I am on the road, I usually do some exercise daily, but, there are times I get in a rut and don't focus on my planning and execution of a said workout. A daily routine helps relieve stress and will bring out creativity and problem solving abilities like no other activity! It is a "reality check" for me as well. Things are brought into a better perspective after a good workout, no matter how long the workout is. This is Stephen Covey's take on exercise (from his book The 8th Habit): "I am convinced that exercise increases our own sense of self-control and self-mastery, which enhances the totality of our lives and truly enlarges the space between stimulus and response." The second concept is practicing daily solitude. This could be a twenty minute walk, a power relaxation/almost nap, hanging out on a park bench, etc. This is a time to let your mind "go" and let your subconscious work on goals, problems, and/or ideas that are filling your head - a "mind-cleansing" if you will. I try to do two, one-hour solitude sessions per week to let my subconscious mind take over and do its thing for me. This is a time when I just sit back and take in the world, usually outside in a fairly secluded place without interruptions. I sometimes think about a couple of goals or issues in my life ahead of time, then sit back and let my brain work on things. I tend to find some answers to problems as well as some pretty great ideas to take back to work with me. They not only help me achieve goals, but relieve stress at the same time.
These two activities alone have probably added years to my life and helped me through some potentially stressful times. Thus, the reason for my dream. I have been in situations recently in which I feel the need to "prove" myself. I am living my life as a series of tests… daily. I have felt out of sorts, not myself, lacking confidence. All brought on by myself. Life is not a test. To me, it is a series of learning experiences. My goal is to strengthen the area between stimulus and response (see quote above and The 8th Habit by Stephen Covey) on a daily basis; mentally, physically, and financially. As that space continues to grow with experience and knowledge, my life and dreams will put a smile on my face. Thanks for letting me think out loud today. Sweet dreams.
About The Author
John Perry Would you like to know how to fit exercise into your already busy schedule? How would you like to learn a time-efficient routine that can be done anywhere? Go to http://www.hiptobefit.com to find out how.
I rarely ever remember a dream. Even when I can remember what I was dreaming about when I have to get up for a drink or bathroom break in the middle of the night, I have forgotten all about it by morning. However, last night I had a dream that made me analyze my life and my thought processes on a day to day basis. I was dreaming about taking a test. I am not sure the subject of the test. I do remember feeling under pressure and I was struggling a bit with the content of the test. Now, I have taken my share of tests in the past and can recall having these types of dreams while in college; but, why now? I jotted down a few notes before going back to bed and did my best to decipher this brain spark this morning. I am into several projects right now in which I am under the microscope, so to speak.
But, am I? Is this all in my head? Do I bring all this pressure on myself? Probably. I try to be the best I can be; mentally, physically, and financially. I try to learn as much as possible to improve my abilities in these areas. This is great as long as I don't spend so much time trying to improve me that it harms my life in these same areas; i.e. stress, family, friends, health, etc. We all see the "burn-out" in the self-improvement entrepreneur; the sacrifices made in the "important things" in life such as relationships and peace of mind. Peace of mind should be a top priority for mental, physical, and financial success. Living life as some sort of constant test will hamper this process. Realizing that progress is a "you vs. you" phenomenon and that you don't have to please someone else on a day to day basis is a great start.
Bryan Tracy, in his audio series from Nightingale Conant entitled "Action Secrets for Personal Achievement," talks about the need for certain people to get the approval of others. He calls this a symptom of Type "A" behavior. Here are some of the other type "A" symptoms: Having a sense of urgency to do more and more in less and less time. Volunteering for more and more work at the office. Feeling under pressure to get activities accomplished. Being obsessed with your performance and having high standards for such performance. The type "A" personality can't relax and enjoy an accomplishment, they feel like they have never done enough. Compare self with others. More concerned with things than with people. Brings home work. Talks about the boss, what the boss said, what the boss did… wants to please the boss at all times. Has a sense of hostility towards those he or she feels to be competing against. Type "A's" cannot admit that they are not in control. If you fall into any of the above categories, making a decision to change may be a great first step. This decision involves trying to relax and still be productive and effective without the added stress we type "A's" like to impart.
There are two things that have worked in the past for me (and my clients) that I am going to focus on after this "wake–up call." One is a daily exercise plan. Even when I am on the road, I usually do some exercise daily, but, there are times I get in a rut and don't focus on my planning and execution of a said workout. A daily routine helps relieve stress and will bring out creativity and problem solving abilities like no other activity! It is a "reality check" for me as well. Things are brought into a better perspective after a good workout, no matter how long the workout is. This is Stephen Covey's take on exercise (from his book The 8th Habit): "I am convinced that exercise increases our own sense of self-control and self-mastery, which enhances the totality of our lives and truly enlarges the space between stimulus and response." The second concept is practicing daily solitude. This could be a twenty minute walk, a power relaxation/almost nap, hanging out on a park bench, etc. This is a time to let your mind "go" and let your subconscious work on goals, problems, and/or ideas that are filling your head - a "mind-cleansing" if you will. I try to do two, one-hour solitude sessions per week to let my subconscious mind take over and do its thing for me. This is a time when I just sit back and take in the world, usually outside in a fairly secluded place without interruptions. I sometimes think about a couple of goals or issues in my life ahead of time, then sit back and let my brain work on things. I tend to find some answers to problems as well as some pretty great ideas to take back to work with me. They not only help me achieve goals, but relieve stress at the same time.
These two activities alone have probably added years to my life and helped me through some potentially stressful times. Thus, the reason for my dream. I have been in situations recently in which I feel the need to "prove" myself. I am living my life as a series of tests… daily. I have felt out of sorts, not myself, lacking confidence. All brought on by myself. Life is not a test. To me, it is a series of learning experiences. My goal is to strengthen the area between stimulus and response (see quote above and The 8th Habit by Stephen Covey) on a daily basis; mentally, physically, and financially. As that space continues to grow with experience and knowledge, my life and dreams will put a smile on my face. Thanks for letting me think out loud today. Sweet dreams.
About The Author
John Perry Would you like to know how to fit exercise into your already busy schedule? How would you like to learn a time-efficient routine that can be done anywhere? Go to http://www.hiptobefit.com to find out how.
12 Steps To Turbo-charge Your Visualisation
by: Colin Joss
1. Every night, half an hour before retiring, go to your room, where you can be entirely alone and as remote as possible from noise and distraction.
2. Seat yourself in a wide and comfortable chair, or, better still, lie down on your back at full length. See that your clothing is loosened, so that you will suffer no distressing annoyance on this account. Compose yourself as if for sleep, assuming a position of restfulness, abandon and utter relaxation. Close your eyes, letting the lids rest lightly on your cheeks.
3. Shut your mind resolutely against every form of bodily sensation. Forget for the time that you are encumbered with a body.
4. Bar out of your consciousness every memory, every thought of the past.
5. Build a mental picture of the thing you want to have, to do or to be - the one thing that you immediately desire first and most of all. By this we mean nothing indefinite. We do not refer to ultimate aims that can come only as the result of long periods of effort. We mean something specific, something that can be yours tomorrow, something that in itself constitutes the next step in your chosen career.
6. See yourself finding the ways and means of realizing your desire, overcoming obstacles one after another, all the obstacles that can possibly arise. See yourself called upon to display, and displaying, alertness, promptness, courage, confidence, resourcefulness, patience, push, enterprise, expert knowledge, insight, shrewdness, tact, self-control, decision. See yourself face to face with the situation that confronts you in real life and manifesting the qualities and doing the things necessary to your purpose. Put yourself body and soul into this picture. Multiply details. Rivet your mind upon it.
7. Advance step by step, logically, wisely, consistently, to the climax of the drama. See yourself winning out. See yourself solving the problem, getting the thing you want, acting the part you desire to play. Detach your spirit from the flesh of this world and incorporate it in the mental image of yourself. Live the victory mentally until a sense of its reality permeates your soul.
8. Make your dream picture as delightful as possible. Dwell upon it with joyful satisfaction. Warm your heart with a feeling of thankfulness that that which you have so long desired is really yours. This feeling of gratitude, this emotional element, will bring forth associations that will give life to the picture and will animate your faith. Keep yourself tight shut in this dream world for at least fifteen minutes.
9. Arise and make your preparations for the night. Then upon retiring once more close your eyes and let your mind dwell upon your vision for five or ten minutes or until you fall asleep. Let it be the last thing in your thoughts as you become unconscious.
10. Every time you are awake during the night call the mental picture before you and keep it in consciousness as long as you remain awake.
11. In the morning, immediately upon awaking, repeat the procedure set out in the third, fourth and fifth instructions.
12. The more of your spare time you spend in this way, the more promptly will you actualize your ideals. By repeated concentration, every detail of the image of your desire will be so deeply engraved upon your mind as to exert an influence throughout the day. It will inhibit wasteful emotions and impulses. It will give you poise and self-possession. It will so inspire you with its promise as to awaken an energizing response in the profoundest depths of your subconsciousness. By Colin Joss © 2006
About The Author
Colin Joss is the founder of Back Roads Marketing and publishes a free 'On the Back Roads' newsletter at http://www.colinjoss.com/.
by: Colin Joss
1. Every night, half an hour before retiring, go to your room, where you can be entirely alone and as remote as possible from noise and distraction.
2. Seat yourself in a wide and comfortable chair, or, better still, lie down on your back at full length. See that your clothing is loosened, so that you will suffer no distressing annoyance on this account. Compose yourself as if for sleep, assuming a position of restfulness, abandon and utter relaxation. Close your eyes, letting the lids rest lightly on your cheeks.
3. Shut your mind resolutely against every form of bodily sensation. Forget for the time that you are encumbered with a body.
4. Bar out of your consciousness every memory, every thought of the past.
5. Build a mental picture of the thing you want to have, to do or to be - the one thing that you immediately desire first and most of all. By this we mean nothing indefinite. We do not refer to ultimate aims that can come only as the result of long periods of effort. We mean something specific, something that can be yours tomorrow, something that in itself constitutes the next step in your chosen career.
6. See yourself finding the ways and means of realizing your desire, overcoming obstacles one after another, all the obstacles that can possibly arise. See yourself called upon to display, and displaying, alertness, promptness, courage, confidence, resourcefulness, patience, push, enterprise, expert knowledge, insight, shrewdness, tact, self-control, decision. See yourself face to face with the situation that confronts you in real life and manifesting the qualities and doing the things necessary to your purpose. Put yourself body and soul into this picture. Multiply details. Rivet your mind upon it.
7. Advance step by step, logically, wisely, consistently, to the climax of the drama. See yourself winning out. See yourself solving the problem, getting the thing you want, acting the part you desire to play. Detach your spirit from the flesh of this world and incorporate it in the mental image of yourself. Live the victory mentally until a sense of its reality permeates your soul.
8. Make your dream picture as delightful as possible. Dwell upon it with joyful satisfaction. Warm your heart with a feeling of thankfulness that that which you have so long desired is really yours. This feeling of gratitude, this emotional element, will bring forth associations that will give life to the picture and will animate your faith. Keep yourself tight shut in this dream world for at least fifteen minutes.
9. Arise and make your preparations for the night. Then upon retiring once more close your eyes and let your mind dwell upon your vision for five or ten minutes or until you fall asleep. Let it be the last thing in your thoughts as you become unconscious.
10. Every time you are awake during the night call the mental picture before you and keep it in consciousness as long as you remain awake.
11. In the morning, immediately upon awaking, repeat the procedure set out in the third, fourth and fifth instructions.
12. The more of your spare time you spend in this way, the more promptly will you actualize your ideals. By repeated concentration, every detail of the image of your desire will be so deeply engraved upon your mind as to exert an influence throughout the day. It will inhibit wasteful emotions and impulses. It will give you poise and self-possession. It will so inspire you with its promise as to awaken an energizing response in the profoundest depths of your subconsciousness. By Colin Joss © 2006
About The Author
Colin Joss is the founder of Back Roads Marketing and publishes a free 'On the Back Roads' newsletter at http://www.colinjoss.com/.
Don Miguel Ruiz
is known as a nagual, or shaman, of the Toltec tradition. The Toltecs were an ancient group of scientists and artists that was formed to explore and preserve the practices and spiritual knowledge of the ancient ones. It is not a religion, but a way of life that embraces spirit and honors all the spiritual masters who have taught on the earth. Toltec wisdom arises from the same essential unity of truth as other sacred esoteric traditions that are found all over the world.
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
Sit at the foot of a native elder and listen as great wisdom of days long past is passed down. In The Four Agreements shamanic teacher and healer Don Miguel Ruiz exposes self-limiting beliefs and presents a simple yet effective code of personal conduct learned from his Toltec ancestors. Full of grace and simple truth, this handsomely designed book makes a lovely gift for anyone making an elementary change in life, and it reads in a voice that you would expect from an indigenous shaman. The four agreements are these: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. It's the how and why one should do these things that make The Four Agreements worth reading and remembering.
Be Impeccable With Your WordsDon't Take Anything PersonallyDon't Make AssumptionsAlways Do Your Best
From the cover of the book:
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
Sit at the foot of a native elder and listen as great wisdom of days long past is passed down. In The Four Agreements shamanic teacher and healer Don Miguel Ruiz exposes self-limiting beliefs and presents a simple yet effective code of personal conduct learned from his Toltec ancestors. Full of grace and simple truth, this handsomely designed book makes a lovely gift for anyone making an elementary change in life, and it reads in a voice that you would expect from an indigenous shaman. The four agreements are these: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. It's the how and why one should do these things that make The Four Agreements worth reading and remembering.
Be Impeccable With Your WordsDon't Take Anything PersonallyDon't Make AssumptionsAlways Do Your Best
From the cover of the book:
Creating a successful time management plan
Finding Ways To Save Time And Accomplish More Toward Goals
by: Connie Limon
A definition of time management might be a process of gaining flexibility and cutting back time. The advantage to having a time management plan is that we are loosing something that brings us reward and gaining something that brings us bigger rewards. We end up with a “no loosing” situation if our time management plan is right. To develop a successful time management plan we must first evaluate our time. We must sit down and ask ourselves how long does it take us to eat? How long does it take us to get dressed and groom for work? How long does it take us to prepare the meals we have to eat? Everything we do takes a certain amount of time. You might start out by writing down just how much time it takes to do each of your very have to tasks each day.
Then sit back and evaluate your list. Are you wasting 10 minutes here and there on those have to items that could be used for something else? Where our time goes is an essential element to determine for our entire time management plan if we want to begin spending more quality with the most important people of our lives and less wasted time on some routine task. This is the absolute first step of creating your own personalized time management plan, a time management plan that will allow your more time to do the things in life that are most important to you. You must determine where you are wasting time and then decide how to use that time more effectively. Once that time is lost, there is no calling it back. Another important element of creating a successful time management plan is to be sure and finish tasks before moving onto another task, unless you are at work, in a job that requires doing multiple tasks at one time (multi-tasking).
Once you finish one task, move onto the next task and follow in pursuit of finishing all tasks. Once you finish the last task, sit back for a moment in a comfortable position and think of what you accomplished. How much time did it take you to complete task? Don’t forget to be keeping down your start time and end time. Of course this type of listing time of tasks works best for those things you do as routine each day. You want to work on completing the tasks in as little time as possible so you that you have to add in the unexpected tasks of the day or…….much better…….so that you have time to do something you really, really want to do, something that is not routinely required of you to do. For example, like visit on the phone with a favorite friend, your daughter or mother, or whoever, read some in the books you want to complete at some point or another in your lifetime. A successful time management plan provides us with a source for more flexible schedules. When we have flexibility we have more time for ourselves. Once you have determined your priorities for time usage, then you can start adding tasks that you been putting off because you just don’t have the time to do them.
So….you now need another list of goals and plans of tasks and things you want to do but never have the time to do. One of the best ways of keeping these lists is on your computer where you can quickly erase and add to. But then again, paper in a notebook is also good, perhaps a special book. Time management is the process of working to succeed. When we work to succeed we reach our goals. We first have to decide what those goals are, of course, and then work toward them using our time management plan. You will probably have to sit down and really ponder on what is needed to reach each goal of set of goals, and of course, decide how much time each step of the way you will need. Some people like to set short term goals, reach that goal and then set a long term goal. It might be a better plan to try and set short and long-term goals in the same time management plan. Whichever way works best for you, however, is what you should do. Time management is essential since it demands that a person plan, act on those plans and stay focused on those goals with motivation. You must also keep reality in mind, and plan for the things out of your control that could go wrong and therefore steal time from your time management plan. Some examples would be computer failures, family illness, personal illness, inches and inches of snow and ice, horrible sudden tornados and hurricanes. It is always wise to include elements of your time management plan in accordance to what could happen out of your control. You may want to have a plan ahead of time of using your time in some other manner if your computer fails. Catch up on your paper filing or something. Right now for me, I am experiencing an internet outage.
I have groomed many more Shih Tzu than the usual today in the time I usually spend answering e-mails and working on my websites. Time management is working to succeed. If you want to succeed then you must work hard every day to meet your goals. I recently cut down my preparing and eating breakfast time by about ten minutes. Instead of my usual meal, I now mix up a Zone Shake and drink it while doing some other chore like adding to or emptying out the dishwasher, or even while opening up my daily e-mails. In reality here I am using ten extra minutes to work on my goals, rather than preparing and eating a regular breakfast.
About The Author
Connie Limon. Visit us at http://www.selfimprovementbook1.com and sign up for our newsletters. Self Improvement Book is a guide to information about self improvement, personal growth and self help tips. It is an organized directory referencing information in other websites on the World Wide Web.
by: Connie Limon
A definition of time management might be a process of gaining flexibility and cutting back time. The advantage to having a time management plan is that we are loosing something that brings us reward and gaining something that brings us bigger rewards. We end up with a “no loosing” situation if our time management plan is right. To develop a successful time management plan we must first evaluate our time. We must sit down and ask ourselves how long does it take us to eat? How long does it take us to get dressed and groom for work? How long does it take us to prepare the meals we have to eat? Everything we do takes a certain amount of time. You might start out by writing down just how much time it takes to do each of your very have to tasks each day.
Then sit back and evaluate your list. Are you wasting 10 minutes here and there on those have to items that could be used for something else? Where our time goes is an essential element to determine for our entire time management plan if we want to begin spending more quality with the most important people of our lives and less wasted time on some routine task. This is the absolute first step of creating your own personalized time management plan, a time management plan that will allow your more time to do the things in life that are most important to you. You must determine where you are wasting time and then decide how to use that time more effectively. Once that time is lost, there is no calling it back. Another important element of creating a successful time management plan is to be sure and finish tasks before moving onto another task, unless you are at work, in a job that requires doing multiple tasks at one time (multi-tasking).
Once you finish one task, move onto the next task and follow in pursuit of finishing all tasks. Once you finish the last task, sit back for a moment in a comfortable position and think of what you accomplished. How much time did it take you to complete task? Don’t forget to be keeping down your start time and end time. Of course this type of listing time of tasks works best for those things you do as routine each day. You want to work on completing the tasks in as little time as possible so you that you have to add in the unexpected tasks of the day or…….much better…….so that you have time to do something you really, really want to do, something that is not routinely required of you to do. For example, like visit on the phone with a favorite friend, your daughter or mother, or whoever, read some in the books you want to complete at some point or another in your lifetime. A successful time management plan provides us with a source for more flexible schedules. When we have flexibility we have more time for ourselves. Once you have determined your priorities for time usage, then you can start adding tasks that you been putting off because you just don’t have the time to do them.
So….you now need another list of goals and plans of tasks and things you want to do but never have the time to do. One of the best ways of keeping these lists is on your computer where you can quickly erase and add to. But then again, paper in a notebook is also good, perhaps a special book. Time management is the process of working to succeed. When we work to succeed we reach our goals. We first have to decide what those goals are, of course, and then work toward them using our time management plan. You will probably have to sit down and really ponder on what is needed to reach each goal of set of goals, and of course, decide how much time each step of the way you will need. Some people like to set short term goals, reach that goal and then set a long term goal. It might be a better plan to try and set short and long-term goals in the same time management plan. Whichever way works best for you, however, is what you should do. Time management is essential since it demands that a person plan, act on those plans and stay focused on those goals with motivation. You must also keep reality in mind, and plan for the things out of your control that could go wrong and therefore steal time from your time management plan. Some examples would be computer failures, family illness, personal illness, inches and inches of snow and ice, horrible sudden tornados and hurricanes. It is always wise to include elements of your time management plan in accordance to what could happen out of your control. You may want to have a plan ahead of time of using your time in some other manner if your computer fails. Catch up on your paper filing or something. Right now for me, I am experiencing an internet outage.
I have groomed many more Shih Tzu than the usual today in the time I usually spend answering e-mails and working on my websites. Time management is working to succeed. If you want to succeed then you must work hard every day to meet your goals. I recently cut down my preparing and eating breakfast time by about ten minutes. Instead of my usual meal, I now mix up a Zone Shake and drink it while doing some other chore like adding to or emptying out the dishwasher, or even while opening up my daily e-mails. In reality here I am using ten extra minutes to work on my goals, rather than preparing and eating a regular breakfast.
About The Author
Connie Limon. Visit us at http://www.selfimprovementbook1.com and sign up for our newsletters. Self Improvement Book is a guide to information about self improvement, personal growth and self help tips. It is an organized directory referencing information in other websites on the World Wide Web.
Do these things and I know you will see positive things begin to happen
How Can I Trust Anyone Again?
by: Kelly Jones
Gail Asked: I used to live on the streets and was taken advantage of in many ways. Now I am off the streets and doing much better. Trouble is, I don't trust people anymore. I always think they want something from me and consequently I can't get past a superficial relationship. How do I deal with this? What is wrong with my thinking? I don't live on the streets anymore and don't live around those types of people. I can't make friends with this attitude. I don't want to be a loner all my life. What do you think? Blushgirl Says: I think you should be commended and feel proud of yourself for getting off the streets. That took courage and determination and is no small accomplishment. If you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind upon. There is nothing wrong with your thinking. You are reacting to past experiences and feelings. This is natural. My goodness, how would anyone react after living on the streets? Any one of us would have issues to deal with after an experience like yours.
Like most things in life, trusting people comes with time and experience. There will be some people in this world that will break your trust. This is something you must accept and you probably have a head start on this one. When you encounter someone like this, don’t get discouraged, feel sorry for him or her and move on. That person will never find true happiness until they learn to treat people with respect. Nobody is born mistrusting other people. You learned to hold back your complete trust the first time, or the second time, or the third time you got hurt for trusting someone who was less than honest with you. The situation you were in, living on the streets, was a terrible and frightening condition. People do things there which they would not normally do just to survive. So the first thing then, is to separate these things in your mind. The world you are in now is not the world you were in on the streets. They are completely different circumstances and you must try to separate them. While on the streets, you learned that if you didn't trust, you wouldn't be blindsided when a relationship failed. Holding back, saving you the pain, protecting yourself, became very important and in some circumstances, vital. You knew no one could hurt you, really, really, badly, as long as you didn't put your trust in them.
You felt secure in knowing no one could ever hurt you badly, as long as you made sure they were kept at a distance. But the reality is, that was a different time, and a hostile environment that you are no longer a part of. Now, you must escape from it completely, and leave it behind for good. Do not however, try to erase it from your mind. Embrace the experience. Know that if it had to happen to you, maybe there was a reason, some higher calling, and it brought you where you are now. Now you are safe, and back in the real world. Without placing faith in others, without trusting, even if it may cause you to ultimately get hurt, you'll never experience complete love. Love and trust are partners; they work together. No matter how many times you may be hurt by people who trample the trust you place in them, you owe it to yourself to bestow the ultimate trust on the next person you choose to befriend. Choose wisely and placing trust will not be so difficult to do. When there is trust…
1. You know he or she will be there for you no matter what happens.
2. If you start to fall, they will catch you.
3. If you are cold, they will warm you.
4. If you need a hug, their arms will enfold you.
5. If you need a soft word, theirs is the one you will hear.
6. If you need a laugh, they have a joke.
7. No matter what you need, you know they will be there, and they know the same about you.
I know it is hard to trust sometimes, but it is well worth the potential hurt, and yes, there may be some hurt. Trusting takes two and all you can ever do is hold up your side and trust the other person enough to do the same. So how do you trust people? The bottom line is, trust is a decision. You must decide to let go of your fears and doubts, and trust other people. Henry Stimson once said, "The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust." All things in life start with a decision. Once you decide to start trusting, it will get easier. Each time you trust another person, you will feel rewarded and warm inside. When someone breaks that trust, know in your heart that you did the right thing by giving that person the benefit of the doubt.
We can’t control what others will do, but we can control how we react to it. When you start thinking about those negative memories of the past, do something to change your focus, no matter what that might be. For me, I simply think of a memory, real or imagined that makes me smile. Try anything to jolt your mind off the bad images. Then fill your mind with pleasant thoughts and images, and before long, all the “bad stuff” will start to fade, but yes, it takes time. You will never forget it, but it won’t affect you like it does now. It will just pass away like a faded memory. I want to recommend you look into a technique called EFT. It is easy to do, and is free to learn. Go to this website to learn more: http://www.emofree.com/a/?2209/1 Do these things and I know you will see positive things begin to happen. But more importantly, know in your heart, that you are a greater person, because of what happened to you. Now the only question remains: will it defeat you, or will it make you stronger? Since you are questioning it, and reaching out to others for advice, I know it has already made you stronger. Remember, to trust is only a decision; to be free will be the result. - Kelly
About The Author
Kelly Jones, better known as blushgirl has been in the online dating scene since 1996. Her experience in the field helps her answer questions on romance and relationships for her site visitors, and allows her to meticulously review dating and matchmaking sites. If you would like to reach Kelly, please visit her at: http://www.blushpersonals.com.
by: Kelly Jones
Gail Asked: I used to live on the streets and was taken advantage of in many ways. Now I am off the streets and doing much better. Trouble is, I don't trust people anymore. I always think they want something from me and consequently I can't get past a superficial relationship. How do I deal with this? What is wrong with my thinking? I don't live on the streets anymore and don't live around those types of people. I can't make friends with this attitude. I don't want to be a loner all my life. What do you think? Blushgirl Says: I think you should be commended and feel proud of yourself for getting off the streets. That took courage and determination and is no small accomplishment. If you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind upon. There is nothing wrong with your thinking. You are reacting to past experiences and feelings. This is natural. My goodness, how would anyone react after living on the streets? Any one of us would have issues to deal with after an experience like yours.
Like most things in life, trusting people comes with time and experience. There will be some people in this world that will break your trust. This is something you must accept and you probably have a head start on this one. When you encounter someone like this, don’t get discouraged, feel sorry for him or her and move on. That person will never find true happiness until they learn to treat people with respect. Nobody is born mistrusting other people. You learned to hold back your complete trust the first time, or the second time, or the third time you got hurt for trusting someone who was less than honest with you. The situation you were in, living on the streets, was a terrible and frightening condition. People do things there which they would not normally do just to survive. So the first thing then, is to separate these things in your mind. The world you are in now is not the world you were in on the streets. They are completely different circumstances and you must try to separate them. While on the streets, you learned that if you didn't trust, you wouldn't be blindsided when a relationship failed. Holding back, saving you the pain, protecting yourself, became very important and in some circumstances, vital. You knew no one could hurt you, really, really, badly, as long as you didn't put your trust in them.
You felt secure in knowing no one could ever hurt you badly, as long as you made sure they were kept at a distance. But the reality is, that was a different time, and a hostile environment that you are no longer a part of. Now, you must escape from it completely, and leave it behind for good. Do not however, try to erase it from your mind. Embrace the experience. Know that if it had to happen to you, maybe there was a reason, some higher calling, and it brought you where you are now. Now you are safe, and back in the real world. Without placing faith in others, without trusting, even if it may cause you to ultimately get hurt, you'll never experience complete love. Love and trust are partners; they work together. No matter how many times you may be hurt by people who trample the trust you place in them, you owe it to yourself to bestow the ultimate trust on the next person you choose to befriend. Choose wisely and placing trust will not be so difficult to do. When there is trust…
1. You know he or she will be there for you no matter what happens.
2. If you start to fall, they will catch you.
3. If you are cold, they will warm you.
4. If you need a hug, their arms will enfold you.
5. If you need a soft word, theirs is the one you will hear.
6. If you need a laugh, they have a joke.
7. No matter what you need, you know they will be there, and they know the same about you.
I know it is hard to trust sometimes, but it is well worth the potential hurt, and yes, there may be some hurt. Trusting takes two and all you can ever do is hold up your side and trust the other person enough to do the same. So how do you trust people? The bottom line is, trust is a decision. You must decide to let go of your fears and doubts, and trust other people. Henry Stimson once said, "The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust." All things in life start with a decision. Once you decide to start trusting, it will get easier. Each time you trust another person, you will feel rewarded and warm inside. When someone breaks that trust, know in your heart that you did the right thing by giving that person the benefit of the doubt.
We can’t control what others will do, but we can control how we react to it. When you start thinking about those negative memories of the past, do something to change your focus, no matter what that might be. For me, I simply think of a memory, real or imagined that makes me smile. Try anything to jolt your mind off the bad images. Then fill your mind with pleasant thoughts and images, and before long, all the “bad stuff” will start to fade, but yes, it takes time. You will never forget it, but it won’t affect you like it does now. It will just pass away like a faded memory. I want to recommend you look into a technique called EFT. It is easy to do, and is free to learn. Go to this website to learn more: http://www.emofree.com/a/?2209/1 Do these things and I know you will see positive things begin to happen. But more importantly, know in your heart, that you are a greater person, because of what happened to you. Now the only question remains: will it defeat you, or will it make you stronger? Since you are questioning it, and reaching out to others for advice, I know it has already made you stronger. Remember, to trust is only a decision; to be free will be the result. - Kelly
About The Author
Kelly Jones, better known as blushgirl has been in the online dating scene since 1996. Her experience in the field helps her answer questions on romance and relationships for her site visitors, and allows her to meticulously review dating and matchmaking sites. If you would like to reach Kelly, please visit her at: http://www.blushpersonals.com.
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